Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Aimless Reading: The G's, Part 6 (Kenneth Goldsmith)


Sports
Originally uploaded by Michael_Kelleher
Goldsmith, Kenneth
Sports


Sent to me by the author after a visit to Buffalo in 2008.

I took many photos of Kenneth when he visited. He is very photogenic. He wears stylish shoes. I posted a video of his reading on this blog. I put the link on his Wikipedia page. I get a lot of hits from it.

In Buffalo, Kenny read selections from this book as well as the companion texts, Weather and Traffic. His performance of Sports, which is a transcription of the longest 9-inning game in the history of baseball, was hilarious, mostly because Kenny has no knowledge of sports whatever and so dove into the reading of the text in a way that set all kinds of innuendo free from the narrative at hand. In case you need proof he knows nothing of baseball, you will note that several times in the transcription he spells Curt Schilling's first name with a 'K."

Now, the longest nine-inning game in the history of baseball took place on August 18, 2008. It was the second half of a day/night double header between the Yankees and the Red Sox. I believe it was the first game Sidney Ponson ever pitched for the Yankees, so no one knew what they were getting (not much, it turned out). The Yankees eventually beat the Red Sox 14-11 in a game that lasted four hours and forty five minutes. I know this because I watched to the whole game.

I realized that I had witnessed the event while discussing it with the author at a party following the reading in the home of Barbara Cole and Steven Miller. I also discussed real estate with Juliana Spahr.

Kenny sent me a copy a few weeks later. I cannot say that I have read the whole thing. According to the author, that is not the point; however, this morning I read the first few pages while thinking about what to write for this here blog and I am here to tell you it's a good read. If you like sports, you will like Sports.

from Sports

Well, Scott Proctor goes an inning and a third, no runs, no hits. Mariano comes on. Ponson, Villone, Bruney, Myers, Farnsworth, Proctor, Rivera. Nick Green goes to first base for the Yanks. I don't know if he's ever played first but the rule of thumb is that if you're a middle infielder or a third baseman, you can field ground balls, you can make throws to second and so why can't you play first? And over the years, the Yankees have used Luis Sojo and Miguel Cairo and infielders at first so, Nick Green takes over at first, for the ninth. Mariano comes in to get the final three outs. If he does, the Yankees sweep the double header and will move up by three and a half and by four on the loss side. Now here's, uh...Mark Loretta to lead off and he hits a high pop to first. Nick Green in foul territory makes the catch. One away. Boston used Lester, Tavarez, Hanson, Timlin, and Foulke. So one away and here is David Ortiz. And Rivera deals a strike. Yankees have a fourteen to ten lead in the bottom of the ninth, one out, no one on. Ortiz one four four. He hits a high drive to right. That ball is high. It is far. It is gone! Into the Yankee bullpen, a long home run for Ortiz and the Red Sox trail 14 to 11. For Ortiz, his 43rd homer, his 114th RBI. And now here is Manny Ramirez who has singled, doubled, singled, singled and singled. He is five for five. Rivera deals a strike no Manny. Now Rivera deals and the pitch is grounded to third, off the glove of A-Rod an error for A-Rod. So one on and one out, Yanks a three-run lead at 14-11. A-Rod he kind of let the ball play him. Kind of backed up and played it to the side, it went off his glove. So here is Mike Lowell. Now Rivera holds a set and deals a strike. Lowell takes inside, the count 1 and 1. Road Runner high speed online from Time Warner Cable, that pitch in at 95 miles an hour. Now, here's the 1-1. Fouled back and the count 1 and 2. Now Rivera deals low outside. It'll be 2-2 to Lowell. Rivera swung on, hit in the air to right, Bernie moves to right center. He's there to make the catch and there are two away. Here's Wily Mo Peña, Boston's final hope. Peña's 0 for 4 on the night. Rivera deals. Inside and low, the count 1 and 0. Now the pitch. There's a strike. And the count 1 and 1. The Yankees with a 14 to 11 lead here in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. The 1-1 fouled back and the count 1 and 2. Now Rivera deals. Grounded wide at first, fielded by Green. Goes to Rivera covering. IN time for the out. Ball game over! Yankees win! The Yankees win!

No comments: